by Alec Sokolow
There's an old joke. What do you call the person who graduates last from medical school? Doctor. Well, I got a new one. What do you call the person who graduates fifth from the bottom of his class at Annapolis? The Republican Party nominee for President. That's right. Senator John McCain actually graduated 894th out of 899 middies at the Naval Academy. Only five other crew cuts achieved less than John McCain did in his class at Annapolis. And he was the son and grandson of U.S. Navy Admirals! He was a legacy, which means they probably had to keep his sorry dumb ass in the Navy!
Now, there are several ways to look at this little tidbit: he didn't want to be there, he hated his father, he was an entitled Navy brat who knew that because of his father's power and position he was never going to be kicked out, he was immature. But, seeing as I'm not a Dr. Phil and due to the staggering lowness of his ranking, I logically must infer something else: This man is dumb. I mean, McHale's Navy dumb. Gomer Pyle dumb. Sit on the TV and watch the couch dumb. Fart into your own telephone to nail a friend dumb. 894 out of 899! That's not "C" student. That's "D" student. If the Navy graded on a curve, maybe even "D-" student. We're talking a "special" kind of dumb. And I mean "special," as in retarded. That's "Run, Forrest, Run" dumb. That's "I enlisted because I didn't want to get drafted." "There is no draft." "There was one?" dumb.
894th! Statistically, he wasn't even in the top of the bottom 1% of his class. Compared to John McCain, George W was a fucking Rhodes Scholar!
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