by Donald Mills
It seems to me that young people don't accomplish a Hell of a great deal in a 24-hour period.
| The Daily "To Do" List For God Damned Young People | |
| Task | Done |
| Haul your ass out of bed at noon, scratch your furry ass and then start grousing that there isn't a hot breakfast waiting for you.
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| Eat anything that isn't nailed to the floor and leave a filthy mess in the kitchen as a symbol of your outrage over "the unfairness of life."
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| Ride your damned skateboard around in front of a senior's house. Spit every 7 seconds and make sure that every other word out of your mouth is an obscenity.
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| Spend an hour in the shower in order to "decompress" from the stress of having to microwave your own breakfast and live rent free in your parents' basement.
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| Be ironic (but don't understand why you are being ironic.)
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| Send a "tweet" to let people know that you just passed gas and are considering chugging a soda.
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| Sulk.
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| Chat online with you idiot friends. Bitch and moan because you can't find a $60 an hour entry level job as a video game tester. Consider becoming an "porn star" instead.
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| Defile yourself.
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| Open your bedroom windows and play god damned rap music so loud that the old man next door has to go inside, call the police and lie down with a damp washcloth on his head.
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| Smoke reefers and watch cartoons in your underpants.
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| Moan and complain.
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| Complain and moan.
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| Call your no account lazy-assed buddies and discuss possible names for the "band" you are going to form as soon as you learn how to play a musical instrument and master Guitar Hero.
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| Demand that your parents give you more respect, autonomy, freedom and a drive to the Mall.
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| Use your parents credit cards to buy things you don't need, won't use and that will be obsolete by the time you get them out of the package.
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| "Hang out" with other reprobates. Loiter, shoplift and harass innocent old people who are shopping for reasonably priced socks.
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